7 Great Things To Do While Terminally Ill
Most of us dread the news of some terrible disease that will eat us from the inside before killing us. But news of your imminent death can be surprisingly liberating and inspire a whole new outlook on life!
Here are some ways to enjoy your newfound freedom!
1. See How Many Exes You Can Still Fuck.
It’s always fun to go back and see how your exes are doing in life. Normally this can be a bit depressing if they don’t wanna fuck anymore, but since you’re dying this probably won’t matter.
In fact you’ll be surprised to find yourself appreciative of even the ugly ones who are willing to give you dat ass.
Bonus: No condoms or worry of STDs!
2) Start A GoFundMe. Then Blow All The Money.
A sob story can be one of the best ways to snag up some easy cash. With your death coming and family members likely to be left behind with financial burdens, this could be a great opportunity to take advantage of people.
Then blow all the money on drugs and hookers!
When your family finds out and gets angry, just remind them you’ll be dead soon and time is precious. You shouldn’t waste it fighting.
Pro Tip: Hookers and drugs are way cheaper outside the U.S.
3) Get Revenge On Anybody Who Pissed You Off.
Whether it’s a former boss or that guy from high school, be sure to take this time to track these people down and blind side them with all the hate and anger you’ve felt throughout the years.
Who knows, the release of this tension may even help you live a bit longer…
4) Weird. Sex. Shit.
We often live our lives in a ball of repressed sexual tension. While it may be good for things such as marriage or CEO, the dying don’t need to worry about these roles. Feel free to explore things in real life that you used to only watch in porn.
Visit that trans bar you pass by on the way home from work, tell your wife to swap with her sister for a week, or go blow a the mayor and secretly film it.
5) Embrace Your Vices.
Much like sexual fantasies, we often repress the things we enjoy most in life because people say they’re ‘bad for us.’ But what’s great about dying is that you no longer have to look out for that judgmental asshole you’ve been stuck with: your future self.
So let go and let the good times flow.
6) Never Suffer Through Small Talk Again.
In life we often suffer through tortuous conversation with douchebags just to maintain a friendly or professional facade.
Once you find out you’re dying you can start asking the questions that normally scroll through your mind while listening to some shitty story about a banker’s son’s little league.
“When’s the last time you fucked your wife?”
“What’s the furthest you’ve ever shot your cum?”
“How many times have you masturbated in the bathroom at work and not washed your hands?”
7) Go Out With A Bang.
Rich people constantly brag about grabbing life by the horns. Why not grab death by the dick?
Show the world you’re a real winner by leaving in style.
Lamborghini off a cliff?
Hot air balloon full of stolen cash?
You could even kidnap a model and quiz her on math while tickling her feet, then blow your brains out before the cops bust in.
Remember folks, you control your destiny.
We hope you’ve enjoyed this article, if so please be sure to leave a like, comment, or some other bullshit that marketers told us to tell you. Bye~!